In the past relationships were entered into for life, that at all costs should remain. Often the partners do not know each other, or hardly ever, Before they were married. Today we see the other extreme: many people break rather than their relationship that they have to close in order to keep the relationship a number of important compromises. The joys and problems of every human relationships remain, including many psychologists and marriage counselors, shackles. But who acquires knowledge about the seven spiritual laws of relationships can save yourself a lot of grief. These seven laws are: involvement, together of, growth, communication, reflection, responsibility and forgiveness. From Ferrini explains clearly and convincingly how these laws affect our relationships. The three parts of the book or go on alone, having a relationship, and finally, the change or (loving) close an existing relationship. People who are willing to bear the full responsibility for their healing and forgiving, will feel attracted by Ferrini's approach to relationship problems. They then learn to see how partners can communicate without being biased or blaming each other more, and how they can give each other space to continue to grow.

1. The Law of Involvement

A spiritual relationship requires mutual commitment.

If you're going to make arrangements within your relationship, Sets us rule reads: Be honest.

Do you no different than you are. Do not make commitments you can not keep your, merely to make the other person a favor. If you are honest at this stage, you will save a lot of trouble in the future. So never promise something you can not give yet. ALS is a partner bv. you expect that you will be faithful and you know you find it hard to get someone to be faithful, do not promise that you will be faithful. Say: "I'm sorry, I can not promise '.

For the sake of fairness and balance in the relationship of the promises you make to each other must be mutual and not as a side. It is a spiritual law that you can not get what you can not give yourself. So expect your partner not make promises you do not want to do.

We must keep our promises that as long as we can commit ourselves without treason. Indeed, it is a spiritual law that you can not take someone seriously, and you have come if you need to make yourself thus treason to his right.

The law is full of irony and paradox involvement. If you do not plan to keep your promises, you have no promise. But if you fulfill your promise out of guilt or a sense of duty, loses its meaning promise. Make a promise is a voluntary gesture. If it is not voluntary, then it loses its meaning. Keep your partner ever release in making his promises, so that he / she is involved now and in the future, in good faith can be with you. It is a spiritual law that you can have what you dare to give only. The more you give the gift, the more it can be given to you.

2. The law of Togetherness

A spiritual relationship requires togetherness

It's hard to have that does not agree with your view on relationships a relationship with someone, values ​​and norms, your lifestyle, your interests and your way of doing. Before you are considering entering into a serious relationship with someone, it is important to know that you enjoy each other's company, respect each other and have something in common in various areas.

After the romantic phase, the phase of realism. In this phase we are to accept as he / she is our partner for the challenge. We can not change him / her so that he / she fits the image we have of a partner. Ask yourself if you can accept your partner, as he / she is now. No partner is perfect. No partner is perfect. No partner meets all our expectations and dreams.

In this second phase of the relationship is all about accepting each other's strengths and weaknesses, the dark and light aspects, the hopeful and fearful expectations. If you consider yourself a lasting, spiritual uplifting relationships are aims, you would do well to ensure that you and your partner a shared vision of the relationship and agree on your values ​​and beliefs, your sphere of interest and the level of commitment to each other.

3. The Law of Growth

In a spiritual relationship, both should have the freedom to grow and express themselves as individuals

Differences are as important as the similarities in a relationship. You are very easy for people who are the same as you, but it is not so easy to love people who do not agree with your values, norm an interest. To this end you should love unconditionally. Spiritual partnership is based on unconditional love and acceptance.

Boundaries are very important in a relationship. The fact that you're a couple does not mean that you cease to be an individual. In fact, you can measure the strength of a relationship to the extent to which partners feel free to reach self-actualization within the relationship.

Growth and togetherness are equally important in a relationship. It promotes joint stability and a sense of closeness. The growth enhances learning and expansion of consciousness. When in a relationship, the need for security (togetherness) dominated, there is a danger of emotional stagnation and creative frustration. If the need for growth dominates, there is a danger of emotional instability, loss of contact and lack of confidence. To avoid potential problems, should you and your partner look good much needed growth and security each of you has. You and your partner must each to determine what position you take when it comes to a balance between unity and growth.

The balance between personal development and solidarity must be constantly monitored.

That balance changes over time, because the needs of the partners and the needs within the changing relationship. Good communication between the partners ensures that neither feels blocked or loses contact.

4. The Law of Communication

In a spiritual relationship is regular, sincere, non-accusatory communication is a necessity

The essence of communication is listening. We first have our own thoughts and feelings, listen and take responsibility before we can express them to others. Then, if we have given to our thoughts and feelings expressed without blaming others, we need to listen to what others say about their thoughts and feelings.

There are two ways of listening. One is listening with an opinion; the other is to listen without judgment. If we listen with an opinion, We do not really listen. It does not matter if we listen to someone else or to ourselves. In both cases, the judgment us from really hearing what is thought or felt restrains.

Communication is there or is not there. Frank communication requires sincerity on the part of the speaker and acceptance on the part of the listener. If the speaker and the listener makes accusations judge has, then there is no communication, then there is an attack.

To communicate effectively, you must do the following:

• Listen to your own thoughts and feelings until you know what they are and realize that they are yours and no one else.
• Give to others honestly express what you think and feel, without them making accusations or trying to imagine what you think or how you feel them accountable.
• Listen to the thoughts and feelings that others want to inform you without judgment. Remember that everything they say, think and feel, a description of their state of mind. This could be something with your own state of mind to do, but maybe not.

If you find you want to improve the other or to defend yourself when expressing their thoughts and feelings to you, you probably do not really listen and you'll probably hit on sensitive areas. It may be that they are a part of your mirror you (yet) do not want to see.

There is a commandment that you should take to increase the chances of successful communication in eight: try not to talk when you are upset or angry with your spouse. Ask for a timeout. It is important to keep until you get everything you think your mouth and feels really matter can give to yourself and know that something is yours. You do not do this, then chances are you're going to blame your partner things and blame the lack of understanding and the sense of distance between you even greater. If you're upset, you should not lash out at your partner. Take responsibility for your own thoughts and feelings.

Good communication helps you and your partner to stay emotionally connected to each other.

5. The law of Mirror

What we do not like our partner is a reflection of what we do not like and not acceptable to ourselves

If you try to run away from yourself, a relationship is the last place where you should try to hide. The purpose of an intimate relationship is that you learn your own fears, judge, doubts and uncertainties facing. As our partner, fears and doubts of our disconnect, and that happens in every intimate relationship, We will not directly face. You can do two things; or you can focus on what you did or said partner, find that wrong and try to get that he / she will no longer do our partner extent, or you can take responsibility for your fears and / or concerns. In the first case, we refuse to deal with anyone else responsible for making our pain / fear / doubt. In the second case, let the pain / fear / doubt penetrate to us, we admit it and let our partner know what is going on in our. The key to this exchange is that you say: "You were mean to me ', but "What you said / did, brought me fear / pain / doubt upwards'.

The question I have to ask me reads: "Who has attacked me?’, but: "Why do I feel attacked me?’. You are responsible for curing the pain / doubt / anxiety, even though it is a different person who has torn open wound. Every time our partner something awakens us, we get the opportunity to see our illusions (beliefs about ourselves and others that are not true) to see through and they fall once and for all to.

It is a spiritual law that anything that bothers us to another, us that part of ourselves shows that we do not want to love and accept. Your partner is a mirror that helps you to stand eye to eye with yourself. Everything that we find difficult to accept ourselves, is reflected in our partner. If we our partner bv. selfish find, may be because we own selfish act. Or it may be that our partner stands up for himself and that's something we can not do good or dare.

As we are aware from our own inner struggles and ourselves might deter projecting responsibility for our troubles on our partner, our partner is our most important teacher. When this intense learning process within the relationship is mutually, the partnership is transformed into a spiritual path to self-knowledge and fulfillment.

6. The Law of Responsibility

In a spiritual relationship, both partners take responsibility for their thoughts, feelings and experiences

It is ironic that may be a Relationship, which nevertheless clear emphasis on togetherness and companionship, nothing else then requires that we take responsibility for ourselves. Everything we think, feel and experience, belongs to us. Everything our partner thinks, feel and experience, belongs to him or her. The beauty of this sixth spiritual law is lost for those who like to put their happiness or misery of their partner in charge.

You remember projection is one of the biggest challenges of a relationship. If you can admit what belongs to you – your thoughts, feelings and actions – and can leave some / her belongs to him by partner – his / her thoughts, feelings and actions – you create healthy boundaries between you and your partner. The challenge is that you honestly say what you feel or find (eg: I'm sad) without trying to make your partner responsible (eg: I'm sad because you did not come home on time).

If we want to take responsibility for our own existence, we must accept it as it is. We have our interpretations and judgments drop, us or at least be aware of. We do not make up for what we think or feel our partners responsible. When we realize that we are responsible for what happens, always, we are free to make another selection.

7. The Law of Forgiveness

In a spiritual relationship is constant forgiveness of yourself and your partner a part of daily practice

If we are going to try in our thinking and to give shape to our relationships discussed spiritual laws, we must not lose sight of the fact that we will not do it perfectly. Indeed, there is no perfection in human terms. How good partners also fit together, how much they love each other, no relationship proceeds without big fuss and fight.

Ask for forgiveness does not mean that you go to the other and says sundry: "I'm sorry". It means that you go to the other and says,: "This is going on for me. I hope you can accept that and do something with you. I do my best ". It means that you learn to accept your own situation, even though it is difficult, and your partner gives the opportunity to accept. If you can accept what you feel or think when you really want to make a judgment about, is that self-forgiveness. The feelings and thoughts of your partner accept, while you actually want to pass judgment on whether there is something wrong with you, is an extension of that self-forgiveness to him / her. This lets you know your partner: "I forgive myself that I condemned you. It is my intention to accept you completely as you are '.

When we realize that we are always only a human to forgive in any situation, namely ourselves, finally, we see that we have been given the keys of the kingdom in the hands. By forgiving others for what we think of ourselves, we will feel free to respond to them differently now.

You can find forgiveness impossible as long as you blame yourself or the other person continues to make. You need to find ways to get away from blame to responsibility a way.

Forgiveness does not make any sense if you are not aware of your own sensitivities and are not willing to do anything to fix it. Pain calls you up. It puts you committed to your set on conscious and responsible.

Many people think that forgiveness is a chore. They think you have to change yourself for that or your partner should ask to change. Although change occurs as a result of forgiveness, you can not change demand.

Forgiveness is not so much external as internal changes to. If your partner is no longer blame and take responsibility for your grief and your displeasure, enters the forgiveness process already in operation. Forgiveness is not so much to do something like make something undone. It allows us to create guilt and blame undo. Only a continuous process of forgiveness allows us to maintain while its inevitable ups and downs going through the partnership. Forgiveness knew guilt and blame away and allows us to connect emotionally again with our partner and to renew our commitment to the relationship.

Book ” Steps to a good realtie ” – Paul Ferrini

Publisher Ankh-Hermes (ISBN-10 9020281925)

Source : http://mens-en-gezondheid.infonu.nl