self-Rejection:
- is the driving force behind our continued commitment to love and recognition from others.
- is essentially the cause of all kinds of metal and emotional suffering.
- is the core of our ego which keeps rotating the vicious process of misery.
How does this mechanism? What exactly happens when you suffer from an oppressive emotion?
1) DE TRIGGER
First there is a circumstance / situation, a thought or a person who has an apparent direct or indirect agreement with a painful situation in the past. Dit kan een bewuste pijnlijke ervaring van vroeger zijn of een onbewuste beknellende herinnering, example to your early childhood when your natural spontaneity was rejected and you had to learn to meet the requirements of your educators.
2) IDENTIFICATION
Onmiddelijk ontstaat er een identificatie: there is a IK-sense, a phase of fusion with the memory of suffering. The reason is self-rejection! What first is a reminder of suffering, so apparent, is actually created by the additional experience of a “I” that is not good enough, of stom, or bad, of slap, or whatever, your negative belief.
3) THE REACTION
Meteen nadat de herinnering aan pijn veranderd is in een werkelijke ervaring van pijn, Follow the reaction. We do everything possible to immediately that pain to get rid of as quickly as possible to fulfill the conditions to feel good. Such attempts may be directed against the person or circumstance that the trigger was the painful memory.
!!! Up here the whole process is automatic, we are not aware. It's all part of the fusion phase.
4) THE REFLECTION AND CLEAVAGE
After a short or longer time, depending on the degree of self-reflection that we have developed, there is a sense of having the oppressive emotion. At the same time the unconscious self-rejection is also about to the conscious level. We think it's very wrong of ourselves that we ended up there and try to get back as soon as possible! This begins the attempted dissociatie and the open struggle against the oppressive feeling. And the bizarre now that crushing will only increase!
5) THE PROJECTION
The projection mechanism goes beyond projecting our moods, feelings of others and the circumstances. In all painful feelings we project their cause and thus the responsibility for it on the person or situation that was the trigger for this pain.
example : You say colleagues: ” You're always the last when at work once to be done something extra.”
Je voelt je miskend door die opmerking en je vindt die collega een vervelende, arrogant, zelfingenomen persoon.
- The colleague says something. Dit triggert een herinnering aan beknelling en lijden dat gebaseerd is op een eerdere afwijzing en zelfafwijzing.
- Immediately there is a feeling that I identify with the memory by rejecting themselves. We merge them.
- I do not feel like me, there is opposition and we go into battle with that feeling.
- You try to get rid of this feeling, you try to dissociate from this painful feeling.
- The fight against the soreness focuses on what has triggered the feeling: -> colleague should apologize. The trigger must stop!
This is irrational!
It's like the doctor complains that she has cancer diagnosed in you. The person or situation that triggered the soreness, there is really no cause. The cause lies in your own fundamental misconception that you are not good the way you are.
To keep covered this painful feeling have you ever learned to outsource esteem others. Therefore, they can do so easily collapse this structure borrowed esteem.
Projecting your negative feelings to others and circumstances you condemn yourself to powerlessness, you lose the ability itself to solve those negative feelings and hand yourself over to the mercy of others.
Someone who is truly free of self-rejection and fear of rejection, is someone who has contact with his natural state that is full of love and recognition so that it never feels more powerless or victims of the behavior of others.
Look at yourself …. the accusations that you make to others, You reject people or situations … those are really bad or wrong because they have called you in pain? Turn it round and look for moments in your past that others have felt hurt by your behavior. Did you then really the intent to hurt the other person, met genoegen pijn te doen en verdrietig te maken?
Probably not …
As you search the whole world for someone
you love is worth more than yourself,
you'll never find.
Buddha
Source: ” Addicted to love ” – Jan Geurtz